So, he has me doing a bunch of stretching to gain flexibility and mobility, except when it's arm work. Come to discover that when doing arm work, I can only tolerate a small amount before my muscles give up. He shook his head frowning at me again in one recent class saying my muscles should release the burn much faster than they are. We've modified the activities I do so much that it's basically like going to physio again, only this time I can feel the benefits - I can feel the stretches working. So overall of course it is useful. There is a benefit. But it is not the benefit I had expected to get and attending each class, watching the other woman glance at me sideways because I can not do any of the regular exercises, becomes frustrating. I wanted to work out, to sweat, to be able-bodied.
After the first week I asked the instructor if he thought I could do any of the regular group classes. He said yes, maybe I could try the Active class and just modify it myself so that I didn't overdo it. Well, I tried to modify it, but it's hard to know still for me what a good pain is versus a bad pain during an activity. Good pain is the 'man I just worked out hard and feel sore but good!'. Bad pain is 'I over did it and can't walk properly again for a month'. Sadly, I suffered the bad pain. So much so that when I went to the private classes again I couldn't even do the stretches I could do before. And the last two days have been so bad I can't sit down cross legged on the floor with Calvin anymore. This is serious regression. Even my ribs are sore again. Sigh.
I invite you all to attend my online self-pity party. I should serve raw veggies so that I can drop the excess pounds and see if that will help my body, but more likely there will be cake and pie, so let's all eat and be merry. In the mean time, perhaps you can come up with some ideas of work I can do in the future with a semi-broken body. The best suggestion I've been given so far is gas station attendant. How far has life come that I aspire to do that job because I can stand up and sit down as often as needed?
Still, I remind myself when I get down times like this that it was worth it. I would do it all again for Calvin if I had to. I would go through any amount of lifelong pain needed for him. But it doesn't mean I can't moan and groan about it all the while. Thanks for listening.